What Ballet Means to
Me
I had my very first ballet class at age 7. My mother was my
first teacher. She decided to teach dance in our small town because she said
that she needed activities for my sisters and I to do to “keep us out of
trouble”. It was something she knew and enjoyed so thought it would be good to
share with us and the other children in town. I was young so I didn’t
understand what that meant, but was excited for the opportunity. From that very
first class it was LOVE!
I don’t think she, or anyone else thought it would mean so
much to me. I was a chubby little girl and didn’t really look the ballerina
type, but I connected to the art right from the beginning and couldn’t get
enough.
At the age of 12, my family was faced with my desire to
dance taking me away from home. This was not what either of my parents was
hoping for, but my mother knew that staying in my small town would not be
enough to take me to my dream. It was settled. I was going to Edmonton to
audition for Alberta Ballet School. I attended their summer school and stayed
with a few other girls in a billet. I spend 4 weeks training in a new place and
familiarizing myself with living in a “big” city, while my family prepared to
move here. I’m pretty sure it was not what my father or my sisters wanted, but
my mother saw the many problems of staying in that small town and was
determined to give her daughters more opportunity.
At the end of my summer school, I was called into the
principal’s office, Miss Deborah Morgan! She was probably the most intimidating
teacher I had to this point and I was terrified to sit in her office. She
looked a piece of paper and then at me. There was a long pause and then she
spoke. “Your thighs are too big and developed wrong. I do not have the time to
fix them, you will not be invited to stay for the year”. I thanked her for her
time and left. It was devastating. Was I wrong to want this so bad? Rejection
hurts.
My mother then enrolled me in summer school at Edmonton
School of Ballet. This was a very different experience. I worked with some very
interesting teachers: David Adams, who became a large influence in my life, Maria
Bokor, Clinton Rothwell and Eve Noonan. Mrs. Flynn had my mother in to her
office and offered a place in her school. I was so elated, but my mother was
not convinced it was what I needed. She searched the city for a ballet teacher
she had seen at Alberta Ballet School, when I attended at age 9. I did not have
this teacher because she only taught the majors. At last, my mother found her
teaching at Marr Mac! We immediately went there for an assessment class.
That was the beginning of an amazing, difficult, frustrating
journey. I dealt with great pain from my hips that almost forced me to quit.
Thank goodness Mrs. Skinner was a good friend of the Artistic Director of
Alberta Ballet, Mr. Lambros Lambrou. We were able to connect with the company’s
physiotherapist and get on the road to recovery. Mrs. Florence Skinner was my
lifeline and the most amazing teacher I had have worked with. She helped me get
from having massive pain in my hips and doctors telling me to quit dancing, to
completing my Advanced RAD exam at the age of 15. Because of her, I was invited
to many master classes and company classes, when they came into town. I even went
back to summer school at Alberta Ballet School and received the most precious
compliment from Mrs. Deborah Morgan, truly the most gratifying moment in my
young life. I had offers to dance in a company in Switzerland, train at École
Superior in Montreal and train at the Goh Ballet in Vancouver, but my family
would not allow me to leave home.
This felt like the end of the road for me. Being young and
immature, I couldn’t see what I could do for a few years before my parents felt
I was old enough to leave home. What do you do after you have your advanced, if
you are not joining a company? That is all I ever wanted to do.
Many things happened between my best summer, training at the
Banff Centre for the Arts, and that fall. My parents separated and later divorced
while I was away. I was told my place was to help my sisters. I tried to
continue with my training, but there was no money to pay for my classes
anymore. The roadblocks just got too big. Then, my ballet teacher told me she
was moving to Vancouver. She offered to take me with her family so that I could
continue to train, but again, my parents were not on board. No money for my
dance, no way to move forward, Alberta Ballet left Edmonton. It felt like all
my opportunities were slipping through my fingers. I felt there was no other choice. I had to
hang up my pointe shoes. I loved Ballet far too much to end up hating it and I
never wanted to resent all the time I spent doing it.
Life became difficult. I lost my way and lost my drive. Made
some not-so-good choices, but I am not one to dwell on regrets. This
deep-rooted love was always there in the back, just waiting for the moment to
resurface. When I had my first child at age 19, my whole world changed. I knew
that I could not provide for him working a minimum wage job, but what could I
do? Then my dream of ballet started again. He brought me full circle to my one
love. I decided that I would go back, but this time, I would be learning to teach.
I found a new direction for my passion and joy. What better way to live than
sharing my biggest joy with young aspiring dancers?
From that moment on, I have not been able to step away from
the studio. I love what I do. I love the inspiration it brings to new
generations and I hope that one day they will look back and feel the same joy
as I do. It is such an honor to share this beautiful art with so many wonderful
children. Life always gives you an opportunity to find your passion. I found
mine at a young age and I am so blessed that I am able to experience it every
day. I fill my days learning as much as I can and working to become better than
I was the day before.
Thank you to all my wonderful students! You continue to
challenge me to grow. I know it is cliché, but I truly feel I learn more from
you than you will ever learn from me. Follow your heart! Find what inspires you
and go after it! Never let anyone tell you you’re not good enough. The choice
is yours!!
